The Stories We’re Handed — and the Ones We Choose to Write

Stop Believing the File — Especially the One in Your Own Head

Some people arrive with an actual file - stacked with labels, limitations, and a long list of what others have decided they can’t do.

But most of us?
We carry that same file on the inside.

It doesn’t live in a drawer.
It lives in your mind, and it usually speaks in the voice of a relentless inner critic.

You’re too much.
You’ll never get it right.
You should be further along by now.
Why did you say that thing to Sophie in 2013? Honestly, how embarrassing.

Do you have an inner critic narrating your life?
It can sound just as authoritative, as if it came stamped, signed, and approved by a government official.

But here’s what I’ve learned, from my clients, from my own life, and from a girl named Antoinette: 

Just because it’s been believed, doesn’t make it true.

The Day I Was Handed Antoinette’s Story

In 2003, while attending graduate school at night, I took a job supporting students with additional needs in a secondary school. On my first day, I was paired with a new student named Antoinette. Before I even met her, I was handed her story, in a literal folder.

I was told: She’s unpleasant. Can’t communicate. Refuses to engage. Won’t learn. Summary: don’t expect much.

Then I opened the file.

It was thick with assessments and statements, all confidently declaring what she couldn’t do. I remember thinking: How am I supposed to help someone who “can’t” do anything?

But that file didn’t tell the whole story.

Noticing the Inch That Changed Everything

When Antoinette arrived in her wheelchair, her head hung low. She didn’t look at me. Didn’t acknowledge anyone. For two weeks, I tried to engage her. Nothing.

And yet… I stayed curious.

That’s something I’ve never lost - as a therapist, a coach, and a person: an unshakable belief that there’s more to someone than what meets the eye.

Then one day, music played in the classroom. And from across the room, I noticed the tiniest movement, her head lifted, just an inch.

What did it mean? I wondered.
I followed the spark of curiosity.

The next day, I brought in a CD player and headphones. I played music just for her. She listened. She smiled.

That was the beginning.

The Courage to Challenge the “Experts”

I asked the physical therapist if Antoinette could learn to walk.

The answer was definitive: No.
Doctors had determined she would never walk when she was three.
So no-one tried to teach her. 

So I asked: Can I stretch her body just a little, so she’s not sitting in her wheelchair all day?

The PT said yes.

So I brought a yoga mat. Played music. Helped her stretch. 

Then stretching turned into supported standing, then a supported step.

And slowly, one step at a time, she began to walk.

Yes, initially there was some rumbling of resistance from some staff. I could feel the judgment, that I was naive.

But I wanted to know something that no one else was looking for. I wanted to know the truth about her. 

Eight months later, Antoinette walked three miles, unaided, around the school track, smiling so big, as she walked alongside her friends.

That day, everyone saw what I had seen: Antoinette had been underestimated. By doctors. By teachers. By nearly everyone.

She went on to high-five her way into the hearts of students and staff alike, earning the coveted ‘student spirit’ award that year, which recognizes a student who demonstrates exceptional positive energy, dedication, and commitment to their school community, embodying the school's values, and fostering a welcoming environment.

She also learned many other things that year, but the most important was that she learned how to belong.

She went from being on the outside, an observer of life — to being part of it.

Rewriting the File — Inside and Out

Here’s what I want to say, especially to the woman who’s reading this and feeling stuck in a version of her life that doesn’t feel like hers:

Antoinette didn’t just stand up out of a wheelchair she didn’t need. She stood up out of a story.

And you can too.

That file in your head, the one your inner critic has bookmarked and re-read a thousand times, is not the truth, even if you’ve come to believe it yourself.

Because what I’ve seen, in Antoinette, in my clients, and in myself… is that the real story begins the moment you stop believing the file.

When I’m with a client now, it’s often something small that catches my attention like the way they phrase a sentence, how their eyes shift just as they say something important, or even the silence around what’s not being said. These subtle cues matter. You might not even realize something is missing, but I can often feel when it is. And with just a little curiosity, a pause, and a willingness to explore, we can uncover truths that were quietly holding you back. Truths that once blocked your path, but no longer have to.

Invitation: What If That Inner Critic Isn’t the Author of Your Life?

If you’re like many of the women I work with:  hard working, capable, and still secretly weighed down by shame, self-doubt, or a nagging sense of “I’m not enough” you probably have an inner file, too.

You might even mistake it for truth.

But it’s just a script you’ve been handed, one we can start to rewrite.

With curiosity.
With compassion.
With truth.

If you’re ready to stop letting your inner critic be the narrator of your life, I’m here to help.

We begin where you are.
We take one supported step.
And then another.

Until you can feel, in your bones, what it’s like to belong fully to your own life.