Why Your Inner Critic Is Lying to You (And How to Stop Believing It)
Most women I work with aren't held back by a lack of capability. They're held back by a story they've been telling themselves for so long, it feels like fact.
Your Inner Critic Didn't Make Up Its Story.
You're too much. You'll never get it right. You should be further along by now.
Sound familiar?
That voice didn't appear from nowhere. It was built over years, from things that were said to you, things that weren't, and conclusions you drew about yourself in moments you probably don't even remember anymore.
By the time most women come to me, that voice has become so familiar it feels like fact. Not a narrative they picked up along the way, but simply... the truth about who they are.
It isn't.
Here's what I've learned, from my clients, from my own life, and from a girl named Antoinette: just because something has been believed for a long time, doesn't make it true.
The Day I Was Handed Someone Else's Story
In 2003, while attending graduate school at night, I took a job supporting students with additional needs at a secondary school. On my first day, I was paired with a new student named Antoinette, and before I even met her, I was handed her file.
The summary? She's unpleasant. Can't communicate. Refuses to engage. Won't learn. Don't expect much.
I remember thinking: How am I supposed to help someone who "can't" do anything?
But that file didn't tell the whole story. Files rarely do.
The Tiny Moment That Changed Everything (And What It Has to Do With You)
When Antoinette arrived in her wheelchair, her head hung low. For two weeks, she didn't look at me. Didn't respond. Didn't engage.
And yet I stayed curious because I've never been able to shake the belief that there is always more to someone than what meets the eye.
Then one day, music played in the classroom. And from across the room, I noticed the tiniest thing: her head lifted, just an inch.
I followed that spark.
The next day, I brought a CD player and headphones. She listened. She smiled. And that was the beginning.
I asked the physical therapist whether Antoinette could learn to walk. The answer was definitive: doctors had determined she never would, and so no one had ever tried to teach her.
So I asked a smaller question: Could I just stretch her body a little, so she isn't sitting all day?
Yes, they said. That was allowed.
So I brought a yoga mat. Played music. Helped her stretch. Stretching became standing. Standing became a supported step. And slowly, one step at a time, she began to walk.
Eight months later, Antoinette walked three miles — unaided — around the school track, smiling so wide it filled the whole field. She went on to earn the school's Student Spirit Award that year. She went from being an observer of life to being fully part of it.
She hadn't just stood up out of a wheelchair she didn't need. She'd stood up out of a story.
What This Means If You're Feeling Stuck Right Now
Here's why I'm sharing this with you.
If you're reading this and feeling trapped in a version of your life that doesn't feel like yours, and you’re exhausted by self-doubt, quietly convinced you're not enough, or wondering why you can't seem to move forward no matter how hard you try then I want you to consider something:
What if the story you're living isn't actually true?
Your inner critic is not the author of your life. It's a narrator that was handed a file, often in childhood, often by people who were working from their own incomplete information, and it has been reading from that file ever since.
The real story begins the moment you stop believing it.
How to Start Rewriting Your Inner Narrative
Silencing your inner critic doesn't happen by arguing with it or trying to think more positively. What actually works is learning to question the file …with curiosity, compassion, and someone who knows how to listen for what isn't being said.
When I work with clients, it's often the smallest things I notice first: a particular way of phrasing something, a slight shift in energy, a silence around what's not spoken. With just a little curiosity and willingness to explore, we uncover the truths that have quietly been holding you back.
Signs your inner critic may be running the show:
You feel like an imposter, even when others respect you
You struggle to make decisions without second-guessing yourself
You put everyone else's needs first and feel resentful or depleted
You know what you want, but something keeps stopping you
You've tried therapy or self-help but still feel stuck in the same patterns
If any of these feel true, you're not broken. You're just working from an outdated file.
Ready to Stop Letting Your Inner Critic Narrate Your Life?
We begin where you are. We take one supported step, and then another, until you can feel, in your bones, what it's like to belong fully to your own life.
If you'd like to explore what that could look like for you, I'd love to have a conversation.